Thursday, April 21, 2011

Very good reminder on disipline.

How do we rebuild the trust when our teen daughter misbehaves?

Question:

We have a 17 year old daughter who has just confessed to me that she has broken several rules related to boundaries with guys, driving, attending a party, lying to us. She wants to make things right with us so she can have a right relationship with God. I had a tremendous amount of trust and some of the things she confessed were very hard to handle for me. I feel betrayed. She wants me to trust her again as if nothing happened. Most of the things she confessed to happened when she spent the night away from home. My instinct is to enforce some agreed consequences for the behaviors she confessed, but then she will never share openly and honestly again. How do we rebuild the trust? Should there be consequences?

Answer:

It should be a great encouragement to you that your daughter was willing to confess her bad behavior and her desire to have a right relationship with God! Your reaction of shock, betrayal and broken trust are normal - but I would also challenge you to remember that your daughter is a teenager - a rookie adult - and as such is more prone to make some bad choices along the way. One of your goals should be to help your daughter learn from her poor decisions. Also, remember that the goal of discipline isn't about invoking obedience, but rather to prepare your daughter for responsible and successful adulthood.

I believe that you should enforce the agreed consequences for her behavior. It's part of consistent discipline. She may not like the consequences, but they will serve as both a deterrent and as an instructor if you stand firm in enforcing them. If you let the consequences slide, it sends a message to your daughter that her inappropriate behavior is no big deal. Further, I don't think that enforcing consequences will necessarily result in your daughter not sharing openly again.

Regarding rebuilding trust, you may need to tighten the boundaries/consequences for a time, and then begin to loosen them as your daughter proves that she can be trusted. By all means - and this is very important - do provide your daughter with a path whereby she can regain your trust!

Apples are the best:)

I think adults love apple products too. At least I do:)

Survey confirms that teens love Apple products

Apple

It sometimes seems like every teenager either owns an Apple product or is begging his or her parents to purchase one. Turns out appearances aren't actually deceiving in this particular instance.

Business Insider reports that financial advisory firm Piper Jaffray has released the results of its latest bi-annual survey of high school students and that the message is pretty clear: Teens love Apple products.

As part of the survey, 4,500 kids were asked about "their interest in Apple products and digital music." They were asked about the products and services they use, as well as the ones they intend to purchase or use in the future.

Here are some of the more interesting statistics from the responses to those questions:

  • 17 percent already own an iPhone, and 37% plan on buying one in the next 6 months.
  • 22 percent either own a tablet or have one in their house, and 20 percent of them plan to buy one in the next 6 months.
  • Only 80 percent now own an MP3 player — down from 90 percent last fall. More teens are listening to music on their cell phone (53 percent versus 50 percentlast fall), so that may account for some of the drop. Or maybe MP3 players are no longer cool.
  • Of the teens who own MP3 players, 86 percent of them have an iPod. Microsoft's Zune is in distant second at 3 percent.
  • Of the teens who download music, 65 percent use file-trading services. Among the legal services, iTunes has 95 percent market share.

What can you take away from these survey results? That you shouldn't be surprised if your child asks you for an Apple product the next time a gift-giving occasion comes around. After all, let's face it: "plan on buying" really translates to "plan on asking my parents to buy" in teen-speak.

TV show Skins

CPYU 3(D) REVIEW
TV Show: Skins By Walt Mueller
Background/summary: This controversial version of the popular British teen drama series of the same name premiered on MTV on January 17, 2011. The show follows the lives, issues, and interactions of nine main characters – all teenagers – along with a growing supportive cast of family members and peers. The first season of the American version of Skins includes ten episodes which run on Monday nights, and are available online and On Demand around the clock. Rated TV-MA for language and sexual situations, the show immediately stirred controversy when critics called for an investigation into whether or not the show is child pornography. Within days of the show’s premiere episode, numerous advertisers pulled their ads.
Discover: What is the message/worldview?
• The initial episode opens with Eura, a teenage girl, wandering home on a snowy, cold, Brooklyn street after a night of sneaking around and doing who-knows-what. Eura is barefoot, disheveled, and looks like she’s been raped. Her older brother, 17- year-old self-confident womanizing high school sen- ior Tony, sees her coming and creates a noisy dis- traction in the house (cranks up his stereo so that his dad comes in screaming) so that she can sneak back in and get ready for school undetected.
• Tony calls his best friend Stanley, an under- confident and awkward high school junior to tell him to get out of bed (covered with pornographic maga- zines) as this is the day he’s going to lose his virgin- ity. Tony tells Stanley that he can no longer be his friend if he doesn’t lose his virginity by his 17th birthday. Tony proceeds to invite their circle of friends to em- bark on this mission with him, including arranging for one of the girls to make herself available to Stanley. Stanley says that it’s “totally normal” to be a virgin at 16. Tony fires back saying that “No, it’s embarrass- ing!”
• Cadie –a neurotic and unstable girl who was just released from a psych hospital - agrees to have sex with Stanley that night at a party. Because Cadie loves her drugs, Stanley agrees to secure an ounce of marijuana to exchange for sex. Tony sends Stanley to get the weed at a suburban home that turns out to be a brothel run by a dirty-old-man who says is name is Madison LeDong, PhD (which he says stands for “pretty huge d___”). He agrees to give Stanley the weed on credit, but gives Stanley 4 ounces and a threat to remove his testicles if he doesn’t pay $900 within 48 hours. The unassuming Stanley leaves in fear.
• The party is hosted by Tabitha, a rich prep school attendee who has invited all her upper-class friends to attend. When Tony and his low-brow crew crash the party, the classes collide and a fight breaks out. Stanley, who has been making out with Cadie on a trampoline outside, watches as Cadie passes out from downing too many pills. He pulls the crew together in a panic to get Cadie to the hospital. Tony’s friends steal cell phones, etc. and an Escalade from the rich kids.
• After Cadie comes to before getting to the hospital, the panic subsides and the group stops in a park to smoke the weed while they sit in the stolen SUV. Unaware that the car is starting to roll, they wind up in the lake, with the car and the weed sinking to the bottom.
• The day and the episode end with Tony and Stanley laying in bed together. Stanley is still a virgin. Tony says to him, “It’s embarrassing Stanley.” He replies, “Yep.”
CPYU grants permission for this article to be copied in its entirety, provided the copies are distributed free of charge and the copies indicate the source as the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.
©2011, The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding
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Discern: How does it stand in light of the biblical message/worldview?
• The young characters in Skins appear to live in a world where they have very little to rely on other than each other. We can celebrate their community and care for each other, no matter how misguided it is at times. One wonders if as the story plays out, each character’s issues of abandonment will come to light, of- fering insight into who they are and how they got that way. With parents portrayed in the show as angry and detached, it appears that even when family is there for these kids, it is deeply wounded and broken. We must have compassion for kids who live in this world. The Scriptures reveal that the family is the backbone of a culture and the place where a child is born and should be loved, nurtured, and cared for. In Ephesians 6, the Apostle Paul lays out the responsibilities for parents to not exasperate their children, and for parents to nurture their children in the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
• The world of the Skins kids is a world void of boundaries and rules, with the exception of the boundaries and rules that they make up based on how they feel at any given moment in time. In addition, when boundaries and rules are enforced by adults, the kids choose to disrespect and do their own thing. God has given parameters for our behavior that we are to function within if we are to live an abundant life. In addi- tion, he calls his people to obey those in authority (Romans 13:1-7), and for children to obey their parents (Eph. 6:1-3).
• While Skins claims to be a show that reflects the reality our teens live in today, it tries so hard to be real- istic that it is very unrealistic. It portrays a world where kids are far more self-sufficient and developmentally mature than the average teenager. It also portrays a world where adults are totally self-consumed, discon- nected, and out-of-touch. While these are indeed realities for some in today’s culture, this is not the norm. The Skins world is an extremely crude and amoral world where dirty talk and anarchy rule. God has instilled purpose, order, and design into the world He has created. Where things are not the way they are supposed to be, change must be sought – whether it’s the parents, the kids, or the script writers who are failing.
Decide: What do I do with it?
• Because Skins is a highly publicized show that is rapidly establishing its place on the pop culture land- scape, it cannot be ignored. Youth workers should endeavor to make parents and other adults aware of Skins and its message, telling them that while the show doesn’t accurately portray teen reality, it does portray some noteworthy aspects of the contemporary teen experience that deserve our attention.
• The Skins landscape will no doubt be found to be especially ugly and repulsive by those who endeavor to walk with Christ. But we cannot allow our response to principalities and powers to carry over to the human beings – many who are desperately lost and misguided – who inhabit that world. These are our neighbors, and the God we serve commands us to become Good Samaritans who give of ourselves in service and minis- try, regardless of the cost or what others might think.
• The message and popularity of Skins reminds us of our need to teach our children to process media criti- cally and Christianly. We can tell them what we think is redeeming or non-redeeming in Skins (and we should), but wouldn’t it be better for us to teach them how to make those judgments with wisdom for them- selves? While we don’t recommend watching and discussing Skins with kids who have never seen it, we do recommend using our How to Use Your Head to Guard Your Heart - 3(D) Media Evaluation Guide (available online at cpyu.org) to teach these skills.
• There is talk that Skins might be cancelled. But don’t believe that it will go away. Interested viewers will be able to indulge their appetite by watching the British version of the show. We believe that all the contro- versy has already established Skins as a cult favorite.
Dr. Walt Mueller is the president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.